Yes, I’m a lazy blogger. But not much has been happening. And I promised myself I wouldn’t use this as a space to man-bash… However, a message I received today from a fellow online dater has prompted me to post. Once again, fellas, this is what you should NOT do… (I’m starting to feel overexposed and underwhelmed by my virtual dating experience.)
Hi, i really did enjoy reading your profile. I love strong, and independent minded women. Below is something I wrote in my journal about 1 year …Its about the person of my dreams who i dream of but still dont know who that person is, and how i look to the day when we finally meet. I know that person is out there and its just about the curiosity of someday knowing but not knoing when destiny will bring us together….
I wanted to tell you last night. I wanted to say it before I feel asleep last night as I imagined the moonlight shining in on you and your beautiful face as you slept in your bed. When I imagined I felt your heart racing against my chest. But mostly, I wanted to say it before I said good-bye to you last night. As I dreamed of holding you in my arms; looking down at your precious face knowingly looking up at me, feeling your soul embraced to mine. Quiet, motionless but so truly in-tune with you. I wanted so badly to tell you that I could fall in love with you. But the words, each time, graced my lips like an impostor, only to fall away like some great blizzard that was taken out to sea to rain its fury on the dark ocean, alone, unbeknownst to any hearing. I was afraid you would take them as a responsibility. I was afraid they would frighten you. I pray that you can hear them for what they are, and not mar them with the knowledge that they stand apart from your ability to reciprocate them. Please take them in your heart and feel them with your eyes closed and your soul open … for just a moment, my voice speaking them softly in your ear with a kiss… you are the girl I dream of loving” My dream girl. I know you can’t be the girl of my dreams right now, and it’s all right. But I wanted you to know, I wanted you to hear it from me … when you smile, when your head lightly moves to dance, when your tongue finds my lips, when you ramble over a glass of wine, when you act boldly, when you laugh, when you squeeze my hand, when you call my name in a gruff whisper, when your heart races on my chest in a close embrace, when you love me. What I’m sad about is selfish. I”m sad at God’s timing. I am only a man. But I miss you. But what I miss most of all is what has not happened yet. I miss the dream of your kiss. I miss your smile, oh, how I miss the thought of seeing you smile. But most of all I miss the moment when you let yourself fall for me. Your racing mind, your hard beating heart, the expectancy, the yearning, the warmth, the thoughts, the love of your love. The you in love with me. What makes it hard for me is knowing how much you could care for me. How much, in a way, you could love me. How much you would enjoy smiling wryly as you hurled yourself backwards off the cliff and said, “catch me baby.” If I didn’t know that, I could make you a villain, me a victim and soothe myself. But I can’t because it isn’t the truth. The truth, we both know… The truth is … not today. Someday maybe, but not today. So I guess I better disappear. I know you’ll be okay, and soon I will be too. And maybe, just maybe, if God so desires, a day will come when, as friends, we will find ourselves accidentally strolling along the white sands of a beach, or the glistening harbor of old New York, or anywhere in this precious world, and from the heights, in the stars, among the angels whose arms will cradle us, in a moment neither of us was told about but knew like our oldest happiness, we will look into each other’s eyes and know … it is today. It is today. And whether that day is tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or next lifetime – I will finally get to tell you to your sweet face. The face I will miss more than I could ever tell, that… I love you. And you’ll smile wryly, close your eyes, say “catch me baby”…and fall.
UGH. Contrite doosh.
