Back online to ‘put myself out’ there (have not resorted to praying quite yet), I received a message on Nerve today to which I’m not quite sure how to respond. 31-yr old Brooklyn White Male sent me back my own profile picture after he photoshopped me to look green. He turned me into the She-Hulk. The title of his message was “Avocado Green” and there was no content in the body. I haven’t responded yet.
I’ve had a rough love life. Loved hard, been hurt even harder. However, despite all the wrongs men have done to me, I’ve maintained a level of decency and goodness. I’ve accepted rejection and never behaved psycho-ex-girlfriendy. I’ve been one of the lucky girls who’s had that college-ex (you know, the one that caused you to lose your innocence and youth resulting in extensive therapy) come crawling back a decade later, 40 pounds heavier, after 2 divorces, saying that no woman compares to me. I know its because I treat men with respect. Golden rule, baby. But the older and wiser I get, the less I’m willing to accept these boomerang efforts.
Recently I was approached by a regretful ex with a Facebook ‘poke.’ Having lost all patience for his miserable temper and petty behavior, I composed this Facebook message:
Your request to virtually ‘poke’ me on Facebook is just another feeble
effort to make amends for all the idiotic ways you’ve attempted to
assert your mental and emotional prowess. There was a time I found
your lack of good judgment to be naiveté and not at all mean spirited.
With time, space, and perspective, your fumblings lead me to
believe that you are simply a man-child – motivated by cruel
intentions when he feels threatened or vulnerable. There is no depth
to your vulgarity – you really are that daft when it pertains to human
relations. I’ve always treated you golden, and my good nature has
reached its threshold. I also find the ennui of you and your antics
to be so yesterday….Please, keep your pokes to yourself. I don’t feel like being hurt and disappointed anymore.
To my surprise, I immediately received a tearful phone call begging for forgiveness.
Lets hope my good and decent character doesn’t lead to righteousness. But, man, retribution feels good.
Seriously, I’m not here to man-bash. I’m just trying to help. (yeah, I think this will be an ongoing feature)
Mr. Online-dater – take my advice and maybe I’ll wink back. 
The other day I was complaining to MRod about this, and its still bugging me. Having signed up for what seems like every social networking and matchmaking website there is, I’ve successfully received winks, pokes, messages, etc. from all kinds of men. Perhaps it is because I’ve taken the time to create a profile that adequately represents my charming personality. I’ve picked out flattering photographs that are sufficiently recent. You’re welcome, fellas.
What I find creepy are the men who remain anonymous (no photo, private profile, “if you want to know about me, just ask” lines in their ‘about me’ sections, etc.) and are a) viewing my profile b) sending me messages, and following up with a self-important tone when they don’t hear back from me. To me, this is a bit peeping-tom’ish, and lately I’ve been sympathetic to the whole hijab lifestyle. But I can’t fault men for looking at my very public profile. I mean, thats like me getting pissed off at men for checking out my chest when I’m wearing something low cut. But I do think its unfair that you can go looking at all my pictures, send me a message, and then feel like its appropriate to question why I haven’t responded to you! Perhaps it is too extreme to say that it is an extension of the objectification of women in our society. But it is another form of male idiocy. I’d rather you and your buddies just ogle me from the other side of the bar, thanks.
Ugh, I miss my ex. What would Bear say…
